How to Set Smart Rules

At You’re the Mom, we know that Moms rule. But when it comes to enforcing rules, that can be tougher- especially when your little one is close to throwing a tantrum over wanting to have candy for a snack. In the moment, it can be tempting to just give them what they want- and candy once and a while isn’t a bad thing! But we want to help you set smarter rules for your kids, not stricter rules. When done right, rules don’t have to mean saying no more often. Instead, they can mean healthier choices, compromises, and fewer fights. In this post, we’re going to talk about some ways to set smarter rules around food. 

Involve your kid in rule-setting 

Rules can be tricky, especially when your child doesn’t like the rules! One way to keep conversations calm is to involve your child in the setting of rules. Talk with them about a rule, and tell them why it’s important, and ask if they think it’s a good idea. If they say no, you can explain why you think it’s a good rule for them and suggest you both try it out for a bit. For example, you might say, “I want to help you be the healthiest and happiest you can be, which means getting good sleep and eating the right foods so you can grow big and strong! Can we agree that we’re going to try a snack with less sugar, like popcorn, before bed so that we can make sure you get all the sleep and nutrients you need? Let’s try that this week and we can talk about how you feel.” It also may be helpful to sit down with your child and write down a list of possible solutions to the challenge you are facing[1]. By including the child in the conversation you’re helping to build their autonomy by having them take some responsibility in the process, as well as making sure that they feel heard and respected.  

Set expectations 

One thing that helps is to set expectations early. If your kids know, for example, that they always try a new food before deciding they don’t like it, or that everyone puts a helping of vegetables on their plate at dinner, so it becomes a habit. These expectations can apply to the whole family, too, which is a great way to lead by example and get kids to participate without the fuss!  

Closing the kitchen 

By having times for when the kitchen is “open,” and “closed,” you can teach your child about healthy habits and give some structure to their day. If you have older children along with younger children, try to have a mature talk with the older child about respecting these boundaries. Tell them you need their help as an older brother/sister to set a good example for the little one(s).  Closing the kitchen when it is not time for a meal helps your child understand appropriate eating behavior and stick to three meals and a few healthy snacks each day, and keeps them from grazing, which can lead to overeating. It also takes some of the pressure off of you, mom, to jump up and make food whenever they ask for it!  

Remember that the approach is important 

Whenever possible, remember to remain calm even if your child is not. A gentle approach is always best. If you child is insisting on candy, try to redirect their attention onto something else, like a healthier snack, or an activity they like. Or, try giving them some different options, for example, “We’re not going to have candy right now. But I’m happy to fix you a different healthy snack, and I’d love it if you’d help me pick it out/prepare it!” It’s important to give a child options, but not free rein. 

We know rule setting can be tough- but you’re the mom, and if anyone can do it, it’s you! Just remember that it takes time and patience to set up some smart rules that work for you and your family. Let us know what smart food rules you have in your home, or if there are any in this post that have been helpful! 

Reference: [1] Faber, Adele. Mazlish, Elaine. How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. New York, N.Y. : Avon, 1982.